--Mendicant Bias in the last terminal of Halo 3
My years as a teenager have come and gone, in like a lion and out like a lion riding a unicorn made of fire shooting weaponized orangutans. A brutal start to a more brutal end.
I knew the world, what it was and how to solve everything as a teenager. I knew that when I was older, in my 20s and onward that I would conquer any task that lay ahead. College would be a breeze, I had my entire future mapped out before me. I was certain everything was going to happen the way it was supposed to happen, that everything would work the way it was supposed to work.
But here I find myself just past the end of my teenage life, and everything I thought I knew, my future, my world has shatter like a mirror. The world I thought I could control has shown the teeth it possesses, and now it awaits my response.
I truly thought that entering college I would easily pass all my course, I mean it's college and I've always been good at school. Despite the fact I am the lesser of three sons in many aspects, I still had a 3.6-7 GPA in highschool. It's not perfect, but that'll do, especially since I had a 100% chance of getting into my college since I graduated from a local highschool.
But I have fallen flat on my academic face and failed a majority of the courses I have taken. I'd like to say this was caused by my constant partying or drug use, but it was not caused by either. Being an annoyingly morally obtuse person, I would never use an illegal substance, and I never get invited to parties because during my highschool career I had painted a picture that I am this ultimate recluse, which though not far from the truth, is not the case all the time. (These parties would not involve alcohol, by parties I mean late night hanging out with friends). In addition not having a licence helps seal the deal on the lack of invitations flowing my way, my fault truly and wholly. So with those two out of the question you could assume I didn't study enough.
This too falls flat, I studies for 6 hours a night at least, and even gave up playing video games for a majority of the semester. My life became studying, and yet test after test the wild F has appeared at the top of the paper. And let me tell you, it feels great. Saracsam.
A majority of the people I knew saw me as this prodigy child, like River from Firefly (only I'm a guy). Everyone foresaw my future, it was filled with greatness and success. But to their disappointment, I have thus far amounted to nothing. Not only did I not meet their expectations, I fell far bellow their standards of acceptable, and some now seem to look down upon me with conceit, adults and kids alike.
So at about this time in my life I feel wonderful. But hey as the River Monster guys puts it, the lows just make the highs seem so much better. Speaking of which...
As my dreams do this awkward dance like a broken toilet (seen plenty of those lately at work) and as I grasp one final time at my dreams before I flare or fade, my rage rises. It is not something I want but the continued and growing stresses of everything is causing magma to build beneath my crust. Bah volcanoes.
Meanwhile at the same time my respect for the life on this planet grows. I have to rationalize killing a bug. It's to the point where if a bug comes into my house I catch and let it go because I take unnecessary mercy on it.
I mean it's just a bug doing it's thing, it didn't consciously think hey I'm going to go mess with that human over there! No it was being a bug, so what gives me the right to end it's life? I don't always spare them, but I try. And I hate feeling like that, because Vegans... ehhhhhhhhhh not my favorite group. Not to mention the reason I find killing bugs and animals more difficult is because they can not be judged in my sight, for they are less cynical than mankind.
Through this turmoil I have had some of the greatest days of my life, for example a couple of weeks ago I volunteered at this event called Astrofest where I helped teach children about astronomy and I also got to meet some excellent people, as well as give advice to younger up and coming highschoolers. It was one of the best experiences of my life. On top of that got invited to a LAN match, which turned out to be an excellent time as I got to hang out with some of my best friends.
This fall I am taking a class where 50% of the class drops in the first week, and only a small fraction pass. The odds are stacked against me, but I am gambling. It determines my future, pass or fail, I will know the first step in this world I must take.
To note: I don't not write this so that you can all ooh and ahh, or whatever the heck you do while reading my serious blog posts. No, I put this incredibly personal and raw topic where the whole world can see (well the few of you that read) in hopes that one of you, the faceless and nameless, finds comfort in knowing that you are not alone in a world of broken hearts. Mines but ruble in a dessert of troubles, and I hope you can find some fragment of hope in knowing that there are more of you out there.
And finally:
I once convinced a government agency to send me free volcano ash just because I asked. Yup.
But here I find myself just past the end of my teenage life, and everything I thought I knew, my future, my world has shatter like a mirror. The world I thought I could control has shown the teeth it possesses, and now it awaits my response.
I truly thought that entering college I would easily pass all my course, I mean it's college and I've always been good at school. Despite the fact I am the lesser of three sons in many aspects, I still had a 3.6-7 GPA in highschool. It's not perfect, but that'll do, especially since I had a 100% chance of getting into my college since I graduated from a local highschool.
But I have fallen flat on my academic face and failed a majority of the courses I have taken. I'd like to say this was caused by my constant partying or drug use, but it was not caused by either. Being an annoyingly morally obtuse person, I would never use an illegal substance, and I never get invited to parties because during my highschool career I had painted a picture that I am this ultimate recluse, which though not far from the truth, is not the case all the time. (These parties would not involve alcohol, by parties I mean late night hanging out with friends). In addition not having a licence helps seal the deal on the lack of invitations flowing my way, my fault truly and wholly. So with those two out of the question you could assume I didn't study enough.
This too falls flat, I studies for 6 hours a night at least, and even gave up playing video games for a majority of the semester. My life became studying, and yet test after test the wild F has appeared at the top of the paper. And let me tell you, it feels great. Saracsam.
A majority of the people I knew saw me as this prodigy child, like River from Firefly (only I'm a guy). Everyone foresaw my future, it was filled with greatness and success. But to their disappointment, I have thus far amounted to nothing. Not only did I not meet their expectations, I fell far bellow their standards of acceptable, and some now seem to look down upon me with conceit, adults and kids alike.
So at about this time in my life I feel wonderful. But hey as the River Monster guys puts it, the lows just make the highs seem so much better. Speaking of which...
As my dreams do this awkward dance like a broken toilet (seen plenty of those lately at work) and as I grasp one final time at my dreams before I flare or fade, my rage rises. It is not something I want but the continued and growing stresses of everything is causing magma to build beneath my crust. Bah volcanoes.
Meanwhile at the same time my respect for the life on this planet grows. I have to rationalize killing a bug. It's to the point where if a bug comes into my house I catch and let it go because I take unnecessary mercy on it.
I mean it's just a bug doing it's thing, it didn't consciously think hey I'm going to go mess with that human over there! No it was being a bug, so what gives me the right to end it's life? I don't always spare them, but I try. And I hate feeling like that, because Vegans... ehhhhhhhhhh not my favorite group. Not to mention the reason I find killing bugs and animals more difficult is because they can not be judged in my sight, for they are less cynical than mankind.
Through this turmoil I have had some of the greatest days of my life, for example a couple of weeks ago I volunteered at this event called Astrofest where I helped teach children about astronomy and I also got to meet some excellent people, as well as give advice to younger up and coming highschoolers. It was one of the best experiences of my life. On top of that got invited to a LAN match, which turned out to be an excellent time as I got to hang out with some of my best friends.
This fall I am taking a class where 50% of the class drops in the first week, and only a small fraction pass. The odds are stacked against me, but I am gambling. It determines my future, pass or fail, I will know the first step in this world I must take.
To note: I don't not write this so that you can all ooh and ahh, or whatever the heck you do while reading my serious blog posts. No, I put this incredibly personal and raw topic where the whole world can see (well the few of you that read) in hopes that one of you, the faceless and nameless, finds comfort in knowing that you are not alone in a world of broken hearts. Mines but ruble in a dessert of troubles, and I hope you can find some fragment of hope in knowing that there are more of you out there.
And finally:
I once convinced a government agency to send me free volcano ash just because I asked. Yup.
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