The End of a Semester

As the Weather Channel so aptly put "Read it and Weep"

When asked how my day went today I would probably answer it went as well as a bird who see a worm only to find out it's a reflection of its beak as it contacts your window. So not a bad day, it started slow, had a moment of excitement (and I thank you guys for that too) but here we are... dead on the ground.

Whoa? how'd we get there from such a deep post last time? Because this blog is like the ocean. You've got shallow and you've got deep. Whales end up in both, but only one is suitable for it. If you're thinking it's the deep you're wrong. Giant Squids.

Today marked the last day of the semester for college so that was something. But then again so is a dead bird. It's something, it's just not a nice something. But on the topic of something, how can someone eat blue cheese and still have the confidence to get out of bed? It's the equivalent to thinking biscuits and wheat thins are the same thing, or rocks and rice crispies. (Product placement).

You could tell by the vacant stares of my fellow survivors that we're far from over. No the party is just starting. Finals. We felt accomplished because today felt like we were slightly freed, but in reality finals are waiting in the alley we just passed holding a hammer to give us one of the most uncomfortable doses of beatings we could ever expect.

You know what the problem with old books tends to be? Dust. Dust comes at you like a window to a birds face (I will not let this go), and you know what? I'm allergic to dust. Oh and library books.

Library books are the bane of my existence. It's not that I detest books it's just I value my health... or I just coddle my immune system. Because in every single library book you find left overs of the person that had it before you. If you've ever checked one out, you must surly know what I mean. I assumed the previous owner did something like this:

             Shadows danced upon the walls of the dark room as Steve's eyes rested upon the red sleeve of the book. Light reflected from the protective plastic sheath guarding the outer edges of the mighty adventure that awaited him.
             His fingers caressed the delicate white pages until his forefinger met the shedding piece of cloth which marked the place he had ceased previous. Like the seas in the days of Mosses, the pages parted revealing a small printed number around one inch by one inch from the lower right corner, the number read 54. His eyes flickered with excitement as they gently flowed through the lines of text as if it was silk sliding through his fingers, until finally reaching the text which he had left forty-two hours ago. His mind jolted as it came to life evoking the text on the page beneath into images, and worlds within Steve's head.
          "To judge the morality of ones actions, one can not for him self decide for a mind is biased to it's creator" this line echoed within the mind of Steve as he continued on "The world around him lay in but ash and dust, each rising to the sun mocking it's failure to protect those beneath it. Echoes of silence filled his mind, as he heard the screams of all the fallen he could not save."
           Steve's eyes drifted upward as he imagined the sorrow of the fallen man. The page quivered as his hand raised to his face. A sensation ran to his ear as his index finger glided like a jet into his nasal passage. Like the canals of old, his finger the vessel, his nose the calm waters, he was at peace. The soft grip of mucus clung to the ridges of his slick wrapped phalanx. The ecstasy overwhelmed his mind, as the elasticity of the mucus was tested. Like a feather falling to the ground, his finger slipped from the cavern it had been within the path  it continued on, before returning to the page bellow, forever leaving behind a stain of green and red, like the man broken on the page bellow. 






Yes. That. STOP DOING THAT. Can you not go 10 seconds without excavating your nasty human air filters? It's not like they are that efficient anyways...







But I digress. College finals, things. So here I go having another semester under my belt, think of the pride I feel, I made it. Considering less than five months ago I was undergoing a massive identity and personal crisis, and almost left college all together, I am pretty glad I stuck with it. I guess if your dreams are important enough holding on to them is the only thing that matters. Because the paths taken until we reach our dream lives don't always take the easy way. Sometimes the path is twisted, long and scary at times but perusing it, gives you a better chance of making it through. And plus, even if you don't reach your dream, at least you tried. You had honor, and that's what counts. Do you think that bird quit at it's dreams? No, because it probably didn't have any because it's a bird. And now it's dead.

So to answer the question on your minds:
If you're wondering if a bird actually died against my window today, don't worry. It may have. I'm not going to confirm or deny that a bird hit my window because it just as likely may have, or may not have. BUT I can tell you this: sometimes it's better to think with your stomach than with your mind. I want food.


Bathrooms

At this point I'd advise you to stop, I've lost control of what I'm thinking. As time marches swiftly forward towards the pre-dawn light I find myself in a state of I don't care.

The greatest question in the Universe is this: Who in the heck thought it would be a good idea to make bathrooms acoustic?

I mean let's face it, everyone has to eventually brave the cold embrace (or warm if you'r unlucky) of the Public Restroom (the very words make my tremble with fear). That alone is one of the most horrible experiences of my life. So there you are minding your own business when suddenly the guy three stalls down sounds like he's the big bad wolf huffing and puffing and trying to blow the little pigs  house down, and judging by the horrific grunting he's making, he's having about as much luck as the big bad wolf did on the brick house. But hey, who am I to judge, maybe his diet consists of only nails and lead, and that's why he sounds like a dinosaur about to give birth.

Then on the opposite side in the corner across from you, you've got the rocket ship guy. I swear if NASA contacted him, they wouldn't need to spend all that money on proportion, because from what I can tell he's probably flying a couple of feet off the seat every second.

But really everybody just tries to be quiet. Why? I don't know, it's not like only some of us go to the bathroom, why do we have to treat it like such a shameful thing?
It turns what could be an efficient I'm in, I did what my body naturally does with things I don't need, into an awkward contest of who can be more quiet in a game of firecrackers.

Instead of people being in the bathroom for 3-5 minutes, they end up lasting for 20 as they attempt to draw out the combustion over a longer time, while only resulting in them having to muffle their heavy breathing. You can literally tell when they are covering their mouths with their hands to make their breathing more quietly, it makes a very distinct noise. And as much as I don't want to know how much toilet paper you're using, stop slowing pulling it out of the contraption. It makes a weird hollow echo that sounds the the distance beat of war drums, and that's the last thing I need to worry about in there.

I'm sorry, but if I have to go through the experience of using a public restroom I don't want to have to pretend I don't go to the bathroom, in the bathroom. I mean what else are bathrooms for? (MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER). Instead of being efficient places, they slow us down. And make us feel shame. Well guess what, everybody does the poo. (If I ever get a girlfriend this will be embarrassing).


And just as quickly as the bird saw the worm, it died. Farewell until next time.

And Yes, I did talk about doodoo

Christianity and Science

Where science thrives, so does Christian bashing, or so it seems to be for me in the United States. I can't say I entirely blame the scientists, just go onto any forum about evolution or the big bang and you'll find a christian tripping over themselves in an attempt to prove that they are right, where there statements are often fragmented, not well thought out, and here's the kicker: most of their stances aren't even in the bible, which they claim to know better then the back of their hand. The conversations always divulge to fire and brimstone where the man of science spills out theories as if they are fact, and the "bible thumper" tells the scientist that they are going to Hell. It's a lose-lose situation.

These Christians may feel that they have accomplished something by sending their foes into a blind rage wondering how the other can even breathe, but at what cost? The Catholic church has done it's fair share of damage to the world of science, and if it wasn't for them, we'd probably be more technically advanced. Do I hate them? No, I just find their arrogance to be disgusting. Baptists, Lutherans and all the other denominations are also to blame, all have played a part. The cost of these people who prowl the world via internet, campus or wherever result in the scientific community generally looking down upon those who call themselves Christians.

It is very angering to me because the two don't have to war like they have for centuries. Each has a shared guilt in this moronic conquest to prove the superiority of the other.

Why....

To The Church

Let me start with the church, you speak evils and hate on such an intense level I wonder if you have ever opened a bible yourself. Sadly most people of faith blindly follow the words of their pastor/priest without checking to see if what they are saying makes sense, we are taught to be Christ like, not pastor like.

 Without knowing the bible on a personal level how can one truly call themselves well versed in god? I'm not saying you have to be experts in the bible, but realize the gravity of your actions when claiming what you believe is in the bible, because often it is not.
What do I mean? When quoting a verse a few things must be taken into mind: you must understand the context of the time, you MUST understand the context of the verse, those one hit wonder verses typically have nothing to do with what you speak, and finally know who is being addressed in the book. Without those key points your quotes are pointless, because you are human and lack the authority to put words in gods mouth. If you know beyond a doubt that your verse is applicable in both the situation and in context(s) then by all means use it.

Next, realize the bible is about faith and spirituality, and is a guide for how to live, as well as many other things. But you know what it isn't? The bible isn't a scientific road map as many of you seem to think. In the bible I notice they do not mention subatomic particles, or panda bears. Does this mean they can not exist? No, of course not, it just did not find that mention such objects was important. Did the bible state that some animals are capable of altering their abilities to survive in otherwise unsurvivable habitats (like invasive species for example)? No, because again it was not important.
Why was it not important? Because believing in intelligent design by god through evolution, or believing that the Universe originated in a single point, or anything along those lines do not have to do with your righteousness (right standing with god). I am no biblical expert, but I know this to be true, how?

Ephesians 2:8-9 -"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast."

Romans 3:28 - "For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law."

Galatians 2:16 "Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified." 

I'm going to stop there but there is plenty more stating the exact same thing. It does not say that you are saved though belief in Jesus Christ and belief in scientific principals told by the church, no just saved through Faith by Grace, no science is involved in the salvation aspect, therefore I see no reason why a book meant to help guide and redeem you would need to include such matters at such a precise level.

Also does it not say:

Romans 12:18 - "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

So please stop picking your battles in at attempt to do who knows what because in the end all you are accomplishing is widening the schism between science and Christianity.

Did Jesus not come and teach us love? That despite the cruel world we live in, we are to be respectful loving people? It is hard yes, and we will all fail, but why do we have fight useless fights that only separate others further from god?
God is love, and we need to strive to be better, not because we have to be better but because we have been given a beautiful gift, a gift we should offer (NOT FORCE) it to others. If they wish not to heard, why make them? It is their choice. 

There is no spiritual gain, nor godly gain in blasting those with different views. God is just, and perfect while you are not. No matter how perfect you believe you are you still sin, so what makes you good enough to have the right to judge everyone else? You don't.

I just don't like him because he's cockier than
Hawking, and less intelligent

To the (Christian disliking) Scientists

My statements will be shorter to you, but that does not make you any less at fault. One thing scientists seem to fail to understand is that what you believe is not set-in-stone. Yes, many of the theories ad laws are mostly likely correct, considering they can accurately depict the actions of an object in a set field of requirements, but they do not always prove to be perfect.

The more advanced we get the more we learn, but as we learn the ideas and beliefs we had tend to evolve, or even completely fall apart. On top of that the more we learn, the less we realize we know. You are not perfect, just because your theory has a few points to it doesn't make it correct, so stop saying everyone else is wrong because yours is absolutely right. In order for it to be absolutely right, without any doubt you would need a non-compromised observation, which sadly the human mind itself is compromised and is known to alter things, thus how can you say anything you know is certain?

I am not just saying your deputing of a god, but the way you treat other theories. You act as if yours alone is the only way, which is not how real scientist should think. Their minds should be open to anything, seeing as how the universe is infinity complex and ever changing to think you alone are right is foolish. 

So to put it more clearly: Scientist need to open their minds, not just to the possible existence of a god, but to so many theories that get pushed back because they don't believe it fits the standard model, only to find twenty years later it was exactly what they needed. You are holding the human race back, keeping them at a walk when they could be running. Open your mind, there is so much to see and so much that we don't know.

My Thoughts

I am pursuing Astrophysics in college and I also am a devout christian. This to some would seem like a paradox, but for me it just makes sense.

I believe what the bibles says, I believe that god created the universe I believe Jesus died for me, and I believe that there is a heaven and a hell. I also believe the bible is meant to guide me spiritually, as well as make me into the person I am supposed to be.
But I also believe the world is billions of years old. I believe gravity exists (as I hope everyone else does...), I agree with most if not all of the current physics models, because to me it makes sense. The universe has laws and regulations to keep it going, I can deny it all I want but logic and observable experiments prove that it functions in certain ways.

To me the universe is beautiful, and studying and learning about the physics and astronomy is not a test against my faith, but rather builds my faith. The vast complexity, and beauty only makes me respect, and love my god even more. For me worship is looking at his work and seeing the creativity and wonders he has made. It is truly amazing.

Why can't I believe that a creator set in motion the world around me? We know not what started the Universe, so why can't I believe it was god? I do and it is just as valid as believing the universe started with particles that were just there.

I pursue the knowledge of how the universe works to better see the beauty of my creator, that is how I can reconcile the two, because they don't need to fight. It is people that make the two clash.

If you see a typo or something that doesn't make sense, I had a migraine while writing this so just ask if you're confused. I am a logical person, so if that is in question, please comment. 

The Eagle

It's story time! Are you ready for an adventure? Well so am I.

            Once upon a time there was a great wilderness. It's thickets rose blocking the sky above, and covering the ground below. The times were dark as the sun barely broke the canopy, save for the gaps of fallen trees. Green brush filled the area between the wall like build of the trunks. Few ventured the lush land for thousands of years.
           One day this all changed. An inquisitive Bald Eagle wishing to find what was hidden in the forest bellow devised a plan. To the east of the mighty wilderness lay a patch of bone dry trees, the Bald Eagle planned to drop a piece of burning tinder upon the dry earth beneath, hoping the flames would erupt, removing much of the foliage. The trick would be finding such tinder.
That night while the Bald Eagle rested the sound of a mighty roar echoed from the edge of the wilderness, rocking the bird into a frenzy as he peered down. The source of the sound seemed to be emanating from the forests edge. The Bald Eagle jumped from his perch sliding through the air like a dolphin through water. The stars shown brightly above as he landed.
          The brush began to rustle, as something moved within. About five feet from the tree emerged a lion, it's thick mane reflected the moonlight as he shook his head. Staring intently up at The Bald Eagle, the lion asked "What brings you to my domain?"
         A pause fell over the Eagle as he processed what to say, "I require your assistance, if you will. I wish to acquire some tinder and flame in order to burn down the forest so that we may know what is within."
        The Lion cogitated for some time before replying "I can acquire tinder, but fire is beyond my capabilities. However, I have heard rumors of a dragon in the land capable of such a feat. I can take you to the one who told me of such things, if you wish. But we must wait till dawn to depart."
        The Bald Eagle nodded, hoping that this quest would pan out as well as he hoped. He returned to sleep until the early hours of the sun as it rose in the east. A deafening scream rang out, confusing the Bald Eagle, but the lion seemed not to mind.
       "That is the one we seek, the rooster calls, and now we can find him." said the Lion "follow me."
       The Bald Eagle and the lion traveled west along the line of the forest crossing rivers and valleys. The sun was at it's zenith when they came upon the roosted who sat upon a stump.
       "Good day Lion, who is it that follows behind?"
       "This is the Bald Eagle, he seeks the dragon of which you spoke. Do you know where it dwells?"
       The Rooster appeared puzzled, "Why do you seek the dragon?"
       "We seek the dragon to acquire fire in order to burn the forest down, so as to find what is inside." replied the Bald Eagle.
      The Rooster pulled a map from under a moss covered stone, pointing to the mountain at the edge of the land, "This is where the Dragon resides. I will take you there."
      "Much thanks." replied the Bald Eagle as the three moved westward through the fields and plains.
      As the curve of the world began to swallow the sun, the field around the lion and rooster became of gold. It flowed like silk as soft winds swept gracefully over the tops of the grass. The crickets arose from the depths to sing songs to the stars as the danced in the twilight. The Bald Eagle looked about, wondering how much farther they would go for the day when a screech rippled through it's skin as it found itself in a downward spiral. Disoriented the Bald Eagle twisted it's body upwards as it struck the now red grass below. Above it was a Black Eagle.
      It's mouth opened as it began to speak "Why have you, Great Bald Eagle crossed into my lands? We were separated by the mighty winding river, a boundary in place by the world itself. But here you are on my side of the line, what brings you to my home, my territory?"
    The Bald Eagle defiantly struck back, knocking the Black Eagle backwards. The Bald Eagle rose, flying straight upwards, the Black Eagle right behind. The two locked talons and spiraled towards the ground, as the clouds above glowed of blood red. They both began to twist in hopes of crashing the other into the ground. The Bald Eagle waited for the final moment before releasing all force. Causing the Black Eagle to slip underneath, slamming into the ground. It flopped around as it slipped in and out of consciousness.
    As the Black Eagle came to, the Bald Eagle responded "we have come in order to gain fire from the dragon in the mountain at the end of the world. With that fire we plan on burning the forest down so that we may find riches, or things of great excellence inside."
    The Black Eagle thoughtfully looked to the sky. "With my assistance the journey may be faster, if you will have me!"
     The Bald Eagle, Rooster, and Lion spoke for some time before concluding that the Black Eagle would be welcomed on their quest. All four rested until the dew was aglow as the sun overtook the horizon. Through the fields they traveled, from morning to evening. Ahead lay a patch of trees extending a mile to the foot of the mountain. As the four entered a low growl echoed in their skin, as the became afraid. From the right, where the trees were red and tall stood a great Bear. It's claws extend, and teeth flashed as it approached.
  It's thick brown fur shook as it's muscle tensed, "I am the guardian of the mountain and of the worlds edge. For what purpose have you come?"
     "We seek fire from the dragon, in order to burn the forest down, so as to find riches and unite the land as never before seen" replied the Lion.
      "Riches, and unity. I shall let you pass, but I must accompany you in this land."
      "Fair enough" replied the Eagle, as the five began the climb.
      The sun now fell behind the lion casting a shadow upon them. The land was barren and beaten from a time long gone. Together the group worked their way to each natural terrace, until the Lion grew tired, and ran ahead with the Bald Eagle.
     By morning the group had arrived at the mouth of the cave. Darkness poured out, evaporating in the sun. Bones of fallen creatures lay scattered on the ground, burned and near ash.
     The Bald Eagle, with great boldness and no feared called out into the darkness "Dragon who dwells in the deep, I call upon you for a favor, where riches and gold may find you."
     A grumbling erupted as out of the cave came a dragon. "And how, do you suggest we find gold and riches?" asked the dragon in a daze.
      "We ask for your fire, and with our tinder we can burn the mighty wilderness down to reveal what it hold within."
      Without hesitation the dragon responded "I shall assist you, let us make haste."
       The six powers moved swiftly east to the untamed forest, where with the help of all a fire was started and burned from end to end of the wilderness.
      Great and mighty riches fell upon them all as the controlled the world around them. A group, they did make of mighty power. Lesser animals of far away kingdoms ask to join their United Nations, and many were accepted, but at a lesser voice than the Six. The Great Bald Eagle, being the brainchild of the Unity, and the most powerful of the land began to centralize his power, taking from the other five.
     The Bald Eagles arrogance made him believe that they others would bow before his decision, regardless of how pointless and unintelligent it was. With the reasoning that without his pursuit into the unknown none would have any power, he took control. The five let it be, thinking the Bald Eagle had the interest of all in its mind. And for some time the Bald Eagle appeared to keep its course, keeping the main goals of the six in line. But as time passed and greed filled the heart of the mighty bird, it became apparent that the only interest of the Bald Eagle was the Bald Eagle.
       The Great Bald Eagle with a cape around its neck flew high above looking down upon all as they worked in their fields. It swept and took whatever it chose, leaving the others hungry. Many of the smaller nations tried to grow so that they too could be one of the six, making it seven, but the Bald Eagle refused, limiting what little they already had. Many smaller nations fell into revolt leading to great disarray in the unity.
        Soon the Great Five grew tired of the Bald Eagle and plotted in secret behind his back. The Great Bald Eagle soared above watching all, recording all but failed to catch these secret summits. Soon a darkness once again fell over the land as the Five waited for the Eagle to rest. As it slipped into sleep, the Five surrounded it, making sure that it would never wake again.

The Bald Eagle failed to realize it's own arrogance, it's own pride. Finding itself invincible only led to demise. It was blind to the world for it cared for itself alone. There is only so much that you can push before the world retaliates, and soon the world shall respond.

Journey: In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

"And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One Life hardly balances billions. But I would have my master know I have changed, and you shall be my example." 
                                                                     --Mendicant Bias in the last terminal of Halo 3

My years as a teenager have come and gone, in like a lion and out like a lion riding a unicorn made of fire shooting weaponized orangutans. A brutal start to a more brutal end. 

I knew the world, what it was and how to solve everything as a teenager. I knew that when I was older, in my 20s and onward that I would conquer any task that lay ahead. College would be a breeze, I had my entire future mapped out before me. I was certain everything was going to happen the way it was supposed to happen, that everything would work the way it was supposed to work.

But here I find myself just past the end of my teenage life, and everything I thought I knew, my future, my world has shatter like a mirror. The world I thought I could control has shown the teeth it possesses, and now it awaits my response.

I truly thought that entering college I would easily pass all my course, I mean it's college and I've always been good at school. Despite the fact I am the lesser of three sons in many aspects, I still had a 3.6-7 GPA in highschool. It's not perfect, but that'll do, especially since I had a 100% chance of getting into my college since I graduated from a local highschool.

But I have fallen flat on my academic face and failed a majority of the courses I have taken. I'd like to say this was caused by my constant partying or drug use, but it was not caused by either. Being an annoyingly morally obtuse person, I would never use an illegal substance, and I never get invited to parties because during my highschool career I had painted a picture that I am this ultimate recluse, which though not far from the truth, is not the case all the time. (These parties would not involve alcohol, by parties I mean late night hanging out with friends). In addition not having a licence helps seal the deal on the lack of invitations flowing my way, my fault truly and wholly. So with those two out of the question you could assume I didn't study enough.

This too falls flat, I studies for 6 hours a night at least, and even gave up playing video games for a majority of the semester. My life became studying, and yet test after test the wild F has appeared at the top of the paper. And let me tell you, it feels great. Saracsam.

A majority of the people I knew saw me as this prodigy child, like River from Firefly (only I'm a guy).  Everyone foresaw my future, it was filled with greatness and success. But to their disappointment, I have thus far amounted to nothing. Not only did I not meet their expectations, I fell far bellow their standards of acceptable, and some now seem to look down upon me with conceit, adults and kids alike.

So at about this time in my life I feel wonderful. But hey as the River Monster guys puts it, the lows just make the highs seem so much better. Speaking of which...


As my dreams do this awkward dance like a broken toilet (seen plenty of those lately at work) and as I grasp one final time at my dreams before I flare or fade, my rage rises. It is not something I want but the continued and growing stresses of everything is causing magma to build beneath my crust. Bah volcanoes.

Meanwhile at the same time my respect for the life on this planet grows. I have to rationalize killing a bug. It's to the point where if a bug comes into my house I catch and let it go because I take unnecessary mercy on it.
I mean it's just a bug doing it's thing, it didn't consciously think hey I'm going to go mess with that human over there! No it was being a bug, so what gives me the right to end it's life? I don't always spare them, but I try. And I hate feeling like that, because Vegans... ehhhhhhhhhh not my favorite group. Not to mention the reason I find killing bugs and animals more difficult is because they can not be judged in my sight, for they are less cynical than mankind.

Through this turmoil I have had some of the greatest days of my life, for example a couple of weeks ago I volunteered at this event called Astrofest where I helped teach children about astronomy and I also got to meet some excellent people, as well as give advice to younger up and coming highschoolers. It was one of the best experiences of my life. On top of that got invited to a LAN match, which turned out to be an excellent time as I got to hang out with some of my best friends.

This fall I am taking a class where 50% of the class drops in the first week, and only a small fraction pass. The odds are stacked against me, but I am gambling. It determines my future, pass or fail, I will know the first step in this world I must take.

To note: I don't not write this so that you can all ooh and ahh, or whatever the heck you do while reading my serious blog posts. No, I put this incredibly personal and raw topic where the whole world can see (well the few of you that read) in hopes that one of you, the faceless and nameless, finds comfort in knowing that you are not alone in a world of broken hearts. Mines but ruble in a dessert of troubles, and I hope you can find some fragment of hope in knowing that there are more of you out there.

And finally:
I once convinced a government agency to send me free volcano ash just because I asked. Yup.

The Xbox One Improved

The Xbox One and Kinect

Congratulations Xbox fans and critics, for once in your life your anger actually had a positive effect rather than someone, typically a larger cooperate speaker, basically giving you the verbal middle finger from the safety of a closed off studio. You have done the impossible and made the Xbox One lose many of it's user containing features! Or Have you?

So first before I drop into my crazy idea here is what Microsoft has said from Xbox News.

Thank heavens, because I hide from people while playing campaign offline.

Good, Good.

With those being said, and Halo 5 set for next year the first thing through my mind was...






So now to the crazy.
Do you really think Microsoft would be so foolish of a business to do the equivalent of shooting itself in the foot at the largest conference in the video game world without a deviously devised plan which would launch them to a superior standing then their current hold?

Hear me out. The Xbox One was officially announced on May 21, 2013, where many controversial features were revealed. The fear felt by myself and many gamers was made only worse with E3 this past week. I figured Microsoft would grow a brain between the announcement and E3, but I was wrong as they stood by their decisions to sell us a console and games that though we were asked to purchase but would only partially be ours. I was infuriated, and vowed never to buy the Xbox One not even for my beloved Halo. I had even once considered attempting to get a job in the video game sectors, but after feeling betrayed I felt going into such a career that had anything to do with Microsoft was a crime. But look at me now, I'm crawling back and am now eyeing up the Xbox forsaking all of the rage I felt just one day ago.

But as I look back at Microsoft and as I think about my change of heart I can't help but find something that smells like week old dead fish.

Prior to the Xbox One announcement there had been leaks floating through the internet for months before May. Those leaks included the controversial decisions such as the restricted used games policy, and the always connected policy. At times the debate over whether this was truly an issue climaxed, and at other times it calmed.
If you remember back to the beginning of April the always on console rumor lit up a firestorm due to a Microsoft employees witty remarks about a console being always on and requiring a constant internet connection. It was such a huge out-lash against the company and employee that he resigned (so I read) and that Microsoft had to apologies to the community for his remarks. That must have gotten the companies attention.






The question is who leaked the information that the Xbox would be always on? and why? Wouldn't it make sense that if you are planning on incorporating a decently controversial idea with your new console that you would want feedback from the fans without release a floodgate of hatred and negativity like what happened at E3? The way you get feedback without making the company look bad is... leak your own information onto gaming forums and wait to see what the masses think.

From the beginning it seemed the masses were against this, rightfully so, and asked upon Microsoft to quell their fears. No answer was found creating paranoia in the minds of those who knew the downfalls of such specifications for a system. Then the announcement and E3 happened where Microsoft took a dive against PlayStation as PlayStation made remarks directly aimed at Microsoft as seen in this video: Used Games.

So one week later we find Microsoft announcing that they are revoking both the constant need for connection and the used game policy. Where after reading countless comments (which drastically improved my life just like youtube comments) it seems that fans are feeling appreciative of Microsoft for listening to their advice, and are now willing to buy the console since the company was so gracious. In the well fitting words of Admiral Ackbar: IT'S A TRAP.

Here goes the full blow conspiracy:
Microsoft knew from day one of releasing the leak that their ideas were unpopular since they had been browsing the internet and reading on forums what people thought, so when the time to announce their new system they decided to play upon the fear of the gamers and say their system would limit used games and need internet every 24 hours. They wanted to know how well the could do despite their controversial decisions, and despite the negative reaction. And they did surprisingly well, rising to the number one on Amazon. But everyone loves a company who loves their fans, so since that leak microsoft planned on playing it off as a mistake and that they had followed the hearts of the fans so as to get more money from your wallet. And by gosh it looks like it is working because I want an xbox now and so do many others.

Microsoft must have the greatest business team on earth because they are devious, oh so clever. But I caught you. But Halo 5 is making me look beyond this.

There is a chance I'm wrong, and in that case let's start an uproar about the price, I'd love to see that drop. So let's go people!

MICROSOFT, LET MY WALLET GO

The Xbox One

To be completely honest I missed the 1pm (est) announcement of the Xbox One, I had my hands full at that time.Well actually I was cleaning a toilet. Lots of toilets. I'm kind of like toilet boy at... toilet man at my workplace. But anyway, that's for another time.

Last night I had heard that the Xbox One would be released in two phases one now and second at E3 (I believe) so I wasn't expecting much. I was most certainly not expecting to see a console. But low and behold a console was shown, and I must admit I am thoroughly impressed with the aesthetics. I'm glad Microsoft didn't take the Sony approach by showing nothing at the first conference  and then a blurry black box in their trailer for the PS4 that came out yesterday.
 It appears they may have actually planned for over heating by incorporating large vents, but we'll see. There are so many connections on the back It's actually pretty nice to see. Especially the HDMI port I like that quite a bit.

So some of the specs that are pointed out are it has an 8-core x86 processor, the HDMI pass-thru, 8GB of Ram, and a 500GB Hard Drive. Oh and did I mention the Blue Ray player? (The first one I'd ever own, I like DVDs because I'm cheap and they work well enough for me).

It sounds like they may have made a sturdy machine capable of next gen games - whatever games those may be. I wish they would have shown multiple games so that we could check out the game-play and more importantly graphics. I really want to see these graphics (in multiple instances since each developer has their own style), but alas there was no major release on that.

But... in the darkness news arose that was trending on twitter almost all day meaning it was big news: A Halo TV Series directed by Steven Spielberg is set to release on the Xbox One (how is it a TV series then?) If you read my Halo 4 Review then you know that I am a die hard fan of Halo. I own and had read every book, played every game for days and days. Yeah, so this TV series is a terrifying topic for me. Forward Unto Dawn was enough of a terror. I thought overall it was good, I liked the story and some of the scenes were comparable to high quality acting, but others were greatly lacking. They got lucky with that one, but two times? Probably not. I will watch it, but I seriously doubt it's going to make sense to the rest of the Halo Universe. But anyway.

I'm sure many of you were talking about the "always on" rumor for this new xbox. I've been actively attempting to find out if this would be true in the past few months, and with no luck in sight I decided to wait like every other person on this planet. It doesn't help the Microsoft let those rumors run rampant for months before quietly addressing them online today. And what was there response? The worst kind of response possible, next to no response:

So it very clearly states No it does not have to always be connected. Whew dodged a bullet, I thought we were going to have to worry about the internet when playing games, guess not... Hey wait what does that next sentence say? BUT....But what? "But Xbox One does require a connection to the Internet" So it does not have to be always connect, but you have to have internet connection. If we're talking about multiplayer that is fine. I mean that's how it basically works now unless you are at a LAN party. But what does that mean if it is not connected? It does end in reassuring us that they have a system if we lose our connection.

So judging by the wording and through assumptions it seems that in order to start using the console you must have a stable internet connection, and do whatever it is that they have you do before you are secured to "lose" connection. And lose obviously (oh lord I sound like a CNN reported) implies that we can only have a no connection for an undefined period of time before the gates of Hades open allowing all of the evils of hundreds of wasted dollars on this Xbox One as it goes from home entertainment to a brick.

 In fact you know what I did? I stole an Xbox One and tested it out to see how it ran with Bioshock Infinite. The internet in my house is near caveman, and has troubles steaming a standard edition movie, so you can understand my concern. Well I fired up the Xbox One with bioshock only to find out it would do absolutely nothing. It was truly a brick.

So I fought with the internet monster to give me more power (that's actually how it works) and wallah the internet worked excellently. I fired up the One and put in Bioshock infinite only to find out that it too was a prettier block of crap.

Why did this not work you may ask? Well this leads me to my final comment about this information release:

That's why the Xbox One in it's glory cannot even play the Xbox 360 games You know, the ones you spent seven-ish years on? The one you have invested countless hours and money into? Yeah none of those games are going to work for this new console.
I do get it, it's a future looking console, not a past dwelling one. But if you're expecting me to shell out money on a new product with a weak beginning game line up, then you'd better think again. Unlike every other console this has no huge blockbusters that I'm aware of that are being released essentially along side of it. Especially since they are bundling the Xbox One with the Kinect for all consoles. We know that is just going to drive the price up for a couple of cheap tricks that will never be used by me or a majority of people I know. Rather than stealing my money, why not work to help out the gamers that have backed your business all of these years?  Because one day you're going to be broke and begging for money, Mircosoft. Probably not any day soon, but as sure as the turn of the worlds you will lose your support. And when you do, remember the people who stood behind you that you ended up screwing over in the name of money. Remember us.

I guess for now I'll just wait and see if Mircosoft can salvage the damage it has done to my loyalty. But for now I'll stick to shooting up people on Halo because I love 343 industries.


I found a use for The One..

So which will you choose? Bird? Or Cage?

Millennials

Many of you may have seen the TIME Magazine cover about the Millennials. Well if not here is an image off to the right. It calls us lazy, entitled narcissists, and says we still live with our parents. I am here to review the cover only for I have not purchased the magazine yet. Though I am sure it is somewhat redeeming inside, I will circle back to it later in a later post.

By the way don't you love that in order to read an article bashing so many people my age we must pay a couple of dollars to do so? Wonderful. .

Get this I took TIME Magazine's Millennials quiz and only got a 35%. Bah.

So to address the title page before I even get started on the article. I am not narcissistic I can guarantee that. I even took a narcissism test (I hate spelling that word) and got a low score. You can check yours here. I mean I do have my bouts of I will conquer everything, but it's not like I actually think I am going to rule the galaxy one day... probably. 

Next! Or rather first... Lazy.. am I lazy? I am not going to lie I have been staring at a wall, not a TV, not a laptop but a good old wall for a solid hour debating on taking a nap or not. Now this does sound lazy, but I just ended my College semester and have now begun working. I clean apartments after the college students move out for summer. That invloves cleaning their rooms, tiling, carpeting, carrying furniture from one floor to the next, landscaping, and so on. You want to know what I cleaned yesterday? Sewage. Today? Vomit. I think I deserve to take a nap considering I am off work. Don't get me wrong I have bouts of laziness  but who doesn't? Is that not what society as a whole has been working towards?

~Fun Fact time! Products such as vacuums were invented to decrease the time spent on cleaning the house or properties, but it had the opposite effect resulting in more time spent on cleaning. Crazy right? ~

Finally, the big one. Do I live with my parents like Joel Stein says I do? Well... that's kind of a complicated answer. I live in my family home by myself. So no I don't live with my parents, or anybody for that matter. My parents divorced and both got a place, and one wants to screw over the other and thus kept the house that I now live in. Do I pay for anything? You're dang right I do. I buy a lot of my groceries, cleaning supplies, pet foods you name it. I even get my bank account raided by my parents at some points so all in all no I don't live with my parents.

That's 3 for 3 Joel Stein. You were wrong on each. I guess you would say I'm a "special case" but we all know where you pulled that answer from... Your butt. I said it.

 Maybe Mr. Stein you would be a little more understanding if you didn't have job security in this economy why my generation has been passed a dying torch. Maybe you would be a little more understanding had your childhood be infinity linked to everyone everywhere with an internet connection. Maybe you would be a little more understanding if your generation was taught by broken hands and blackened hearts.

The ascension of my brothers and sisters of my generation should not be plagued with a line of bodies behind, but with justice and a world of good heart ahead. Our generation should not stand upon the shoulders of crude corrupt men and women who have spent the world to save a measly buck. It should not stand on the shoulders of broken governments and broken people. But that is the card we have been dealt, we stand upon the shoulders of filth and stolen opportunity as all have before. 

You say we are narcissistic? Maybe your generation should not have spared the rod as so many have. Beatings are not what I call for to my generation, but a stern and steadfast system of morals which lead us to a more peaceful and pure society not founded on religious judgement or atheistic liberties, but on an accepted moral code allowing for the co-existence of all who which to continue forward in a quasi-harmonious states (as much as there could be one). Your generation failed to instill the moral codes of decent   a decent mankind. You failed to pass the torch and left us to fend on our own thinking we could control you, and if we could control you, then all would probably fall beneath our charm. With your high divorce rates, children of broken hearts rose from the ashes. You created the beasts that some of us are today. You were Frankenstein and we are your monster.

We are products of our pasts transgressions, of their failures, of their weakness, and you and I should all be afraid of what is to come. Like a breeze striking the dimming flame upon the torch we pass, our society can only be strong if the torch is rekindled and strengthened. 

You entrenched yourselves in the present, Stein. You failed to realize the present is ever fleeting, and the future is where we must live. Your generation was greedy like the rest, and have given us a broken world with a system full of kinks and knots. Do not excuse yourselves from the part you have played in the shape our lives. 

You call us out on living with our parents? Have you seen the economy? My generation has stepped out into a world where unless you have a pieces of paper saying that you have survived and education system, and that a university vouches for you, then you have a very little chance in succeeding. Those degrees take massive amounts of time and effort to get. It is no walk in the park, and the system has grown much harder since your day, Stein. A college degree is no longer a luxurious item. It is a requirement. 

These people living with their parents, many have few choices. 

The classes I have seen, many are designed to make you fail while robbing you and you blind. I attend a course where the professors tell you that there is a 40% fail rate as if we are only a statistic and not individual people hoping to achieve a dream and pursue a life of greatness. Meanwhile TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS are being taken from our pockets a year and placed in a broken system.

Those that do survive and exit college in hopes of finding a job, only realize that economic conditions will not allow for such things at this time. So these now out of school, in MASSIVE debt men and women are forced to find smaller jobs that in no way can pay for the debt that they have fallen into. AT THE SAME TIME the elder folk as well as the rest of America have to take those same jobs because they are now falling to unemployment. So these out of school, in debt young adults must compete for jobs with an outrageously large amount of people. So many turn back to their parents, for many these were steadfast rocks that seemed fool proof to the economy. And thus they move back in to minimize the increase in debt. How can you make that sound wrong? That they are trying to stop the break future piece by piece. By moving in with their parents they are setting themselves up for the future. They are planning for the future, and not staying in the present. The sure as heck is better than half of you Stein folk.

My generation is so young and has yet to show what it can do. Before judging and condemning us, why not wait and see what we have for you? You see those problems happening with our world and our politics? That's your generation, and while your generation screws around and flounders in constant repetitive lapses in judgement mine is growing. Try not to screw that up. 

So excuse me Stein if I got your message wrong, because I am responding to what you put on the cover. But I don't have 5 dollars to spare. right now, as many of us are, I am low on money. $5 dollars doesn't seem like a lot, until you have to decided between dinner or clothing. And that's where I'm at. So sorry I couldn't spend a quick buck on your magazine article to see what you really meant, but I better things to spend my money on than you.

Welcome to the real world. This is our world, and I hope and pray to god and all things that are good that we do not leave our children in the pit of hell that our mothers and fathers have left us, for it inexcusable and evil to be so caught of up the present that your children must mop the world of your mess. 

Live for the future, for that is all we have. The past is behind us, the present is ever fleeting. But the future always looms ahead, never ending, never relinquishing it's might. 

Read more here: http://www.centredaily.com/2013/05/03/3603311/body-found-in-south-atherton

~I have not edited this version yet but I still wanted to share it so I hope you don't mind. If you do, oh well.~

The Rise of the Citizens

This post will deviate from the normal topics at hand to address the current issues that are occurring in my country as I am sure many of you are aware.

To start I wish to offer both my prayer and thoughts to the injured and deceased as well as the families of the victims and families of the suspects (for they are still people too). Though most of us did not know the victims, we must remember that like all of us they have families and are loved. We are all human. God be with them all in these times.

Rest in peace Martin Richard, Lingzi Lu, Krystle Campbell and Officer Sean Collier.

A large triumph has rippled through the United States as the current suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing has been taken into custody. It has been a tense week as we went from not having any knowledge of those that committed a crime to identifying two suspects resulting in a gunfight and a city lock down and eventual capture of one and death of another.

The city can sigh in relief as the situation is (hopefully) coming to a close, it will be a sad day marked in the books for the American history, but also a day of resilience as many of the people bonded, and as our law system prevailed. 

But through all of this I can only hope that we reach for justice and not vengeance. Though I am weak and would seek vengeance I turn to the system within my country of fair trail, and hope that the system can stand in where my inequities are present. It was created to play upon our moral frailty in hopes of creating the closest attainable system to secure both freedom and impartiality  to ensure that we truly are innocent until proven guilty. Do not misunderstand I do wish for Justice, but it should come from fair trial.

Many seem these two men as the epitome of evil, which is something they have brought upon themselves and deserve. But I urge you to stop and look at the circumstances: the current man, or should I say boy? In custody is merely 19. He is not some adult, he is still a kid by many standards. His ages does not in the least take away from the actions he has been suspected of committing, but it does bring a point up that needs addressed.

As I learned about German History, more specifically The Nazi Regime (in a college course) it has been becoming increasingly obvious that many (Wrongly) blame it saying that this was specifically only a German case, and no one else would do such a thing on that scale ever again. But if you look at the facts it is prevalent that the Holocaust, though evil and perpetrated by the Germans of the time was a human atrocity not solely a German atrocity  We all believe that in those situations we would be the better people and speak out against evil, but many of those that commit these crimes were regular people that turned by some small force. People are far easier to turn than what they believe. We are susceptible to fear and the pressure. With the right words in the right time anything can appear wonderful, even the harming of innocent people.

Rather than patting ourselves on the back and saying well we protected us, how do we better protect ourselves in the future? (which is a good thing don't get me wrong). Why don't we attempt to bring a world wide consciousness of the value of human life. It seems that we as a country, and we as a species has forgotten just how precious life is. That should be a focus, but sadly it most likely will never be.

But to deviate from the topic above to another matter that has arisen from this event.

 I believe this event, this "terrorist" attack, will have a far greater weight on history than we currently comprehend. Though it will forever be written on the books of American History that this event was one of the terrorist attacks on our soil it will also be remembered the catalyst of the Citizen Police. 

Citizen Police? To what am I referring? A valid question. This even was the first major United States terror event in a decent amount of time, but it was the first event to utilize the social media in a way to mobilize and control the people of this country. Everyone is now equipt with numerous photos and minute by minute details of the situation at hand. It has been slowly popping up across the country in local stations where police will posted wanted posters for those they are searching for. Like the wild west where those wanted signs would hand we have them too, but they are everywhere, not just on the sites of the police, but in your homes on your phones and computers. In your place of leisure these pictures now dwell. 

With this information both visual and factual, the people are capable of assisting the law in ways never possible before. Everyone is now the eyes and the ears of the police, they can be the arms and the feet allowing for easier capture, and easier locating,but also more surveillance from the paranoid. In this instance it was a good use of the technology, but what will the future hold as we gain more power and hand it to the law?

Welcome the the 21st century, where everyone and anyone now carries the weight of the law beneath their finger tips without realizing the weight given and taken simultaneously in one action. This is the cost, benefit and consequent of our connected world, and one that will grow as time progresses forward.

THE HAPPENING

I LOVE YOU GERMANY
You think your world is safe? It is not. If only I had Benedict Cumberbatchs voice to say such a line. But I don't so whatever.

While all of you sit on your thrones of privilege given to you by your genetic lineage realize that in your strength only weakness is found. Your systems are coddled, and will fall the the zombie plague. What am I speaking of? Well in the good old north spring is rearing its beautiful head, but it's also a really ugly one. Dead puppy ugly. * distasteful joke* Do I care? Nope. My puppy is a happy alive puppy, and I call him a dog because puppy is too... informal.

I love the turn from the nasty brown and grey days to the green and bright days. Why? I don't like brown all that much. It reminds me of dirt, and I don't like the way dirt tastes, nor clay. Something I learned all too well as a child. Who hasn't tried it once? It's probably healthier than snails.

But now back to you know.. what I started talking about, you and your superior genes.
Am I such a prude that plant reproduction literally makes me sick? Apparently, it's just in my nature so I can not be judged. So take that all you "lighten up" people. I will not stoop to your standards. Especially not to the plants level eww.

Allergies everything is about allergies. Spring has sprung, and it had come in like a lion riding a horse with a lance strapped to its nuclear tipped claws. I was walking in a market looking at food when I decided to make people try to sing the trees, one called grandfather, to sleep. Well instead I met the full furry as the allergies attacked me with full vengeance.



You know how inconsistent this post is? Very, probably the worst one yet. Anyway. So after attempting to flee the evil monster of pollen and failing I realized what this reminded me of. THE HAPPENING. You know where the trees rise up and kill everyone with their Poison  That is what I think is happening, slowly but surly the trees are poisoning us against their reproduction so that soon they will literally grow in our deaths.





But unlike the happening it is progressing at a much faster rate, think The Day After Tomorrow Fast. Like it is physically impossible to pull up that much water in a "hurricane" over land unless you evaporated all of the lakes and threw it together in a party of fun, fast. That fast. Whew.

It's to the point where if you try to run away, you will inevitably be hunted down by the tree assassins and killed. Moral of the story? I hate allergies and they are very prevalent.

 I mean it's not like you can just throw water on a tree to try to contain pollen. Even acid rain is doing nothing to combat such outbreaks, these trees are no incredibly stupid miscalculating aliens, the trees know water is bad so they protect themselves.

NOPE TREES ARE EVERYWHERE AND THEY ARE WAITING.


You Just wasted your time on this one.

The Post to Rule All Posts

I love you Germany, no no I love you.

Today I start my epic saga with this note: the images you may or may not see will disturb you, and if the pictures look to be doing anything.... odd I didn't mean it, it was your sick twisted mind of doom. DOOM.

So today I start with the story of the raccoon. One day I was trail blazing the woods behind my house, clearing away a deer trail so that they, and I could pass more easily through it. 

I am using a Katana to trail-blaze... don't ask.

In reality I was with two other people, but they were farther ahead so It was basically me alone for the time being.
As I began to work my way through the brush and to the end of the woods I could already feel the ticks on me. They come out of nowhere and try to take over your brain via your blood. True story. Anyways they were attempting to control my mind but I found them before they could latch it. I quickly knocked them off and proceeded to stab the ground with my katana in hopes of killing them. As I began to stand my face went directly in a spiders web.
Normally I don't mind so much, but come on it's a spider/ Plus these ones have horns on their butts. Hence the reason why I call them Horn Butt spiders.

It was a viscous well thought out attack that they conducted against me. There is no doubt in my mind that they were out to get me. Meanwhile the sun was going down and I began to exit the woods and enter the park.

Now this park has three toys, a slide, swing-set and green thing each spread out across an area of 100 or so yards... not much of a park.--- ohhh yeah and this was my long hair phase...

Anyways upon exiting I (in this time I needed but did not have glasses) saw what I thought was my neighbors cat. He was a big cat, a Maine coon in fact and this was large with a big tail so I approached it to pet it.

 

As I reached down to pet said kitty it suddenly dawned on me...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THIS WAS NO KITTY. No it was in fact, a rabid raccoon dead set on eating my brains out of my head. How do I know this? Because before it started its deadly charge towards me it leaned in close and whispered in my ear: I'm going to eat your filth rotten brains outs.

I replied telling it that my brains were not rotten, though depending on your level of comfort with membranes and blood, it is arguably not filthy, unless that disgusts you then yes...

Then then angry rabid raccoon jumped up on a horse and began to chase me through an array of fires and a minefield while he chanted "brains brains brains brains" While this chase was going on, my fellow two colleagues had already jumped onto the giant green toy for protection.  As I turned around to run to the toy as well, the horse knocked me over, and the raccoon holding my katana to my throat said, "farewell. I require sustenance, in the form of your human brain." As the blade came down to my throat I tapped into my super-powers and teleoported to the green toy. Why not teleport home you ask? Well... some aspects of this story may be slightly exaggerated, but I swear that the rabid raccoon actually rode a horse. 

Pics or it didn't happen? well here sir, is your pics. TAKE THAT BIG FOOT.

Yeah so.. I teleported to the green toy, (definitely didn't run away and jump on it). And we sat there in fear as it began to crawl towards us, when suddenly my colleagues decided to run for it, me being the most out of shape, and slowest of the group quickly fell behind, to the might of the now running cheetah fast raccoon. Plus he had jetpacks going for him, but luckily I made it to safety via teleporting. True story. I have never taken illegal drugs, drugs are bad and you shouldn't take them. But I can't say that with first hand credibility of course, because again I have never taken them.

In reality I have been chased by at least 3 rabid raccoon in my life, take that to the bank.

I did get away. Really I did. And it happened just like this.

Life, Faith, Religion, Science

Hold on to your hats, because we're about to get religious in here. But wait before you close this page I ask that you read it, and bear with me. Especially those that know me, and know how dead set in science and factual evidence I am. I will put a line where it stops talking about me.

All of my life I have wanted to become a scientist, I love the idea of going out and discovering the hows and whys of the universe. I want to know everything, and I want to learn as much as possible before I turn to dust and since I know not when that day will arrive I try to learn as much as I can as swiftly as I can. So I love science. I believe in a multi-billion year old universe, I tolerate evolution (though I hate it for reasons different than the church) I am not a crazy science hating human like most Christians, but I am incredibly religious.

These two things can exist simultaneously in a person, in fact for some people (such as myself) they can help build on one another, and rarely (if ever) war with one another. I understand that the bible is not a scientific road-map, and that science can be done without disproving a god. 

With that being said I will now take this boat upriver with a poor analogy I just made. Science is typically very easy to believe consider most of it is observable to us, not to mention it is very prevalent in our day to day lives. Believe in a god however, is not cake walk. Life is going to always have its ups and downs, that's life if we were perfect the story would be different - but we are not. When times are bad it is incredibly hard to believe in an all powerful mighty good god that is of my faith. And it is very easy to find oneself angry and shouting at this invisible being.

In the past year and a half my life hasn't been a cup of tea. My parents divorced after 3 years of increasingly intense fights, followed by the death of a respected family member, followed by my senior year, and the departure of many friends, followed by the collapse of my friends group and the resulting factor of losing many of said friends, followed by failing 3 core classes and being placed on Academic Hold (don't tell my parents they don't know... oops) followed by the collapse of my dreams, and now the hunt for what my future will be. It has not been kind to me, and has not been very fun.
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Despite this horror that has befallen all levels of my life as time has progressed I have been becoming increasingly tuned in to my beliefs and have been working on my faith. I believe in a thing called Grace where instead of having to work for a clean slate with god (and Jesus) I believe it is a free gift and all I must do is believe and I will be given eternal life. (Now this does not mean that I believe works are bad, I do not I think that works are good for what is the point of having faith without works? I am merely saying that faith alone saves you from going to hell).

As much as I understand grace, and that Jesus loves me I also understand how cruel this planet can be. Many will ask me how a good god can let this happen, and I believe it is because this is a free-will world. But that debate will be left for greater... well more interested people. I struggle with my faith, but that is something that happens, I'm not perfect. And this past year and a half have been taxing in all aspects of my life, especially my faith.

I have been in some great need of revealing truth, and that is something that has happened majorly on two occasions. In October, and November of 2012 I had attended two separate very intense services where people were speaking in tongues (speaking in a language that they do not know, or a language not of our world) and some pretty intense worship and prayer was occurring. To this point (in October) I had never had any major encounters such as speaking in tongues, falling over or anything and I was quite skeptical of the falling over part.

I have a scientific mind, so I'm going to come at something that makes little sense to me with some skepticism. Plus it would seem half the people "falling down" during prayer were being pushed down. To the credit of the prayers a portion of the people were falling over to fit it like everyone else. 

I decided one night in October 2011 to go up for prayer, really just to put to test the whole falling over thing (because we all can't forget the FUS RO DAH video of the people falling over). As the man began to pray the air around me grew unnaturally heavy as if weights had been placed on me. I figured it was some psychological effect due to some unknown reason and continued in the worship.

The first time the man came to me he had me hold the hand of the girl next to me before he prayer, but then focused on the other person. But even just the prayer for her I felt this instant.. truly indescribable feeling throughout my body. I knew this time that this was not natural. 

Now before I continue I would like to note that I believe the spirit that is within people is how the Holy spirit, and the gifts of god are revealed and pour out. So when this person is praying, it is not because this person is so gosh darn awesome, it's because they were called to do such a thing. anyways..

The prayer left for 5 minutes to continue praying for others, leaving me to dwell and considered the odd sensation I had felt. He returned for me. And I positioned myself so that when he would pray I could hold up my own weight and the prayer could not push me over, because at that point I still believed he was pushing people and that they weren't falling down.

But God is a sneaky sneaky guy. As the prayer put his hands around my head, not even touching my skin (keeping at least 6inches from me) I was overtaken with the most intense feeling and I fell to the ground. It was truly amazing, it was as if a fire in my from my head to my toes had been lit (but not like painful fire). 

However, unlike anyone else who had this experience rather than feeling this overwhelming peace I felt terror. (though yes it was amazing). It is one thing to believe in a superior being, but it is an entirely different thing to be show first hand his power. When I had fallen to the ground I had tried to stand, but I literally couldn't. It was as if gravity had been increased by 10 (except breathing was fine). I couldn't move my arms or legs and I was in a full out sob. I like to keep it manly, but I couldn't keep it together. 

Being skeptical going into the whole thing it is kind of a shocker to be shown how wrong you are in such a way. The best way I can describe the feeling is feeling true raw power being applied. It was like weight was on me, but I could breath, and as if the world around me melted away for those 5-20 minutes I was on the ground (I actually have no idea how long I was down). Nothing matter but the revelation that I had just been showed up. And yes again, it was terrifying, yet amazing. It's not something I fear of happening to me again, I welcome it. But I just wasn't expecting that to happen.

It was something God knew I needed and something I had been praying for, for a good long time. Why it happened then, and not sooner or later I can non answer. I don't know why I pray for things and they sometimes happen and sometimes don't. But what I can say is that the feeling I felt was very real and was an undeniable physical proof of the existence of my God and of Jesus. I can no longer reasonably doubt the existence of a creator, for no man possess the power to do such acts as well as no natural phenomena would occur in the exactly right moment as that. The only logical conclusion I can draw from the evidence given to me and of the situation experienced I is that there is a very real god, with very real and current power. A god that I hope to do big things for in my future. But for now, I will continue to learn and to prepare myself for my future for whatever it may hold, knowing that this creator has got my back.

I encourage you to ask me about it in person, but if not that's alright too. Most of you, readers, know me and should know this is not something I would lie about. What would I possibly gain from lying? I would love for everyone to be a Christian, but if I have to lie to get people to believe me then what's the point? Either way, believe me, or don't but I can tell you this has happened to me twice now, and to me it is undeniable that there is a creator. 

Thank you for reading if you got this far, have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night.