Time always progresses forward, and everything changes. We age, our ideas our interest, our love alters, strengthen or weakens. We die, we fade. As stated in my previous post Flare and Fade I am running to the things that I find beauty in, the things that I have found comfort in, and when so much has gone wrong, it can be hard to find any such thing.
These past two to three years of my life have been by far the most tumultuous. Though things have gone wrong before, there was always a period of break in which I could rest, a time in which I could recover. But not anymore, for the past three years it has been one punch to the gut after another, the universe is taking it's rounds. One issue will end, and another will start, or both will overlap. I have had no peace since I believe around 2009-2010. The worst started in June of 2010 and has been here ever since.
Through this time, through the successive sucker punches from the world, I have found comfort in very few things. How can I? I don't want to become to attached to things, because I know that eventually I won't have them to be of comfort. Plus it is no one job but my own to keep my well being in check. It's been ultimately up to me. Of the few things that have comforted me, I become attached, I guess that's why I know so much about such odd things like Halo and Doctor Who. It's because those things comfort me, and I latch onto them like a leech and suck out as much of their universe as I can. Because that's where I want to be.
Through all this time and all this change, I have lost so many, and gained so few. And I hate to lose anymore, but it is how life works. I now find myself alone in a house, in complete silence. It is nice to a degree, I'm not a social being, but you end up talking your own ear off, and it can be quite annoying. Through all of this time I have connected to this things I watch. I consider the characters of the show as a support for me, despite the fact they are not real. It doesn't matter, they are real to me. Through these worst times, the characters of the show Doctor Who have remained the same, (since season 5 aired on April 17, 2010). It's always been Amy, Rory and the Doctor. I have watched them do so much, and re-watched. This show has inspired me, their work as inspired me.
These three people have such a chemistry on screen, that they seem so real. They seem like actual people, and that gives me hope in this dark time. Now, the trio that has been with me since the beginning has now ended. With Rory and Amy departing. I must admit it is devastating Not just because I think both Rory and Amy are brilliant actors, and not because I think Karen Gillian is super pretty, but because they made themselves so real on screen, and I had tuned into the lives of the ordinary people that became extraordinary Because they have inspired. They helped give me hope in times when I most needed it, and now they are gone forever. There will be no more Amy and Rory and the Doctor. The Ponds have put in their last piece, and so I am deeply saddened. There will be more, yes. There will be other companions, and other doctors. But none will have the impact that this trio did. They got me through a divorce, through a time when I lost so many, and times that I was so alone. They are and will always be seared onto my heart, for the parts that were broken from all that has happened was filled by them. They were there since the beginning but have stepped out before the end, their song is over. But that's how it goes for me, that's life. I must continue on, but I will never forget just how much those three did to get me to where I am now. If only they could ever know.
The weekend had not been over. Today is the last time I shall see a friend for a long time. This friend, is far more than a friend to me, I see him as a brother, someone who I will miss. We've been friends for the longest time, and he was the first friend I made at the church that I attend. He is the reason for the faith I have, and therefore I owe him more than he knows. I wish that all of these people I hold dear do not have to leave, but they are accomplishing their dreams, and I would never stand in the way of that. No I want everyone to complete their purpose, for why they take the path they took. This friend is the kindest person I know and I wish him the best on his journey into the next step.
It's funny, when you're kids, all you want to do is be grown up. You want to be that doctor, that hero, the president, a marine, you want to be all these things and you pretend to be them. You spend so much time imagining yourself as these people that it becomes ingrained in your mind that that is who you will be. In your childlike mind it is achievable. I find myself on course of my dreams, but I look back on that oblivious little boy and think of all the pain he did not know he would face. How was he to know that in order to get to where he pretended to be, he would lose so many, and feel so much loss? He wouldn't. He only felt the joys of being the dream he wished to be. While I, the older one, find myself wishing to be the child again. Because when I pretended to be someone when I was a child, I also had my friend the pretend to be his dream as well. But now they have lead us to different paths, but such is the path of dreams. They takes us where we need to go, even if it is not wanted at that moment. I wish him the best, though he will never read this. He was a brother to me, and will always be. He's one of the greatest people I've even known, and if you're so lucky to know him you're blessed.
Farewell to them. And onward I go into a new Era, the road looks dark, for the previous left me utterly broken. But time will tell where this next one leads.
The weekend had not been over. Today is the last time I shall see a friend for a long time. This friend, is far more than a friend to me, I see him as a brother, someone who I will miss. We've been friends for the longest time, and he was the first friend I made at the church that I attend. He is the reason for the faith I have, and therefore I owe him more than he knows. I wish that all of these people I hold dear do not have to leave, but they are accomplishing their dreams, and I would never stand in the way of that. No I want everyone to complete their purpose, for why they take the path they took. This friend is the kindest person I know and I wish him the best on his journey into the next step.
It's funny, when you're kids, all you want to do is be grown up. You want to be that doctor, that hero, the president, a marine, you want to be all these things and you pretend to be them. You spend so much time imagining yourself as these people that it becomes ingrained in your mind that that is who you will be. In your childlike mind it is achievable. I find myself on course of my dreams, but I look back on that oblivious little boy and think of all the pain he did not know he would face. How was he to know that in order to get to where he pretended to be, he would lose so many, and feel so much loss? He wouldn't. He only felt the joys of being the dream he wished to be. While I, the older one, find myself wishing to be the child again. Because when I pretended to be someone when I was a child, I also had my friend the pretend to be his dream as well. But now they have lead us to different paths, but such is the path of dreams. They takes us where we need to go, even if it is not wanted at that moment. I wish him the best, though he will never read this. He was a brother to me, and will always be. He's one of the greatest people I've even known, and if you're so lucky to know him you're blessed.
Farewell to them. And onward I go into a new Era, the road looks dark, for the previous left me utterly broken. But time will tell where this next one leads.
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