All of my life I have wanted to become a scientist, I love the idea of going out and discovering the hows and whys of the universe. I want to know everything, and I want to learn as much as possible before I turn to dust and since I know not when that day will arrive I try to learn as much as I can as swiftly as I can. So I love science. I believe in a multi-billion year old universe, I tolerate evolution (though I hate it for reasons different than the church) I am not a crazy science hating human like most Christians, but I am incredibly religious.
These two things can exist simultaneously in a person, in fact for some people (such as myself) they can help build on one another, and rarely (if ever) war with one another. I understand that the bible is not a scientific road-map, and that science can be done without disproving a god.
These two things can exist simultaneously in a person, in fact for some people (such as myself) they can help build on one another, and rarely (if ever) war with one another. I understand that the bible is not a scientific road-map, and that science can be done without disproving a god.
With that being said I will now take this boat upriver with a poor analogy I just made. Science is typically very easy to believe consider most of it is observable to us, not to mention it is very prevalent in our day to day lives. Believe in a god however, is not cake walk. Life is going to always have its ups and downs, that's life if we were perfect the story would be different - but we are not. When times are bad it is incredibly hard to believe in an all powerful mighty good god that is of my faith. And it is very easy to find oneself angry and shouting at this invisible being.
In the past year and a half my life hasn't been a cup of tea. My parents divorced after 3 years of increasingly intense fights, followed by the death of a respected family member, followed by my senior year, and the departure of many friends, followed by the collapse of my friends group and the resulting factor of losing many of said friends, followed by failing 3 core classes and being placed on Academic Hold (don't tell my parents they don't know... oops) followed by the collapse of my dreams, and now the hunt for what my future will be. It has not been kind to me, and has not been very fun.
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Despite this horror that has befallen all levels of my life as time has progressed I have been becoming increasingly tuned in to my beliefs and have been working on my faith. I believe in a thing called Grace where instead of having to work for a clean slate with god (and Jesus) I believe it is a free gift and all I must do is believe and I will be given eternal life. (Now this does not mean that I believe works are bad, I do not I think that works are good for what is the point of having faith without works? I am merely saying that faith alone saves you from going to hell).
As much as I understand grace, and that Jesus loves me I also understand how cruel this planet can be. Many will ask me how a good god can let this happen, and I believe it is because this is a free-will world. But that debate will be left for greater... well more interested people. I struggle with my faith, but that is something that happens, I'm not perfect. And this past year and a half have been taxing in all aspects of my life, especially my faith.
I have been in some great need of revealing truth, and that is something that has happened majorly on two occasions. In October, and November of 2012 I had attended two separate very intense services where people were speaking in tongues (speaking in a language that they do not know, or a language not of our world) and some pretty intense worship and prayer was occurring. To this point (in October) I had never had any major encounters such as speaking in tongues, falling over or anything and I was quite skeptical of the falling over part.
I have been in some great need of revealing truth, and that is something that has happened majorly on two occasions. In October, and November of 2012 I had attended two separate very intense services where people were speaking in tongues (speaking in a language that they do not know, or a language not of our world) and some pretty intense worship and prayer was occurring. To this point (in October) I had never had any major encounters such as speaking in tongues, falling over or anything and I was quite skeptical of the falling over part.
I have a scientific mind, so I'm going to come at something that makes little sense to me with some skepticism. Plus it would seem half the people "falling down" during prayer were being pushed down. To the credit of the prayers a portion of the people were falling over to fit it like everyone else.
I decided one night in October 2011 to go up for prayer, really just to put to test the whole falling over thing (because we all can't forget the FUS RO DAH video of the people falling over). As the man began to pray the air around me grew unnaturally heavy as if weights had been placed on me. I figured it was some psychological effect due to some unknown reason and continued in the worship.
The first time the man came to me he had me hold the hand of the girl next to me before he prayer, but then focused on the other person. But even just the prayer for her I felt this instant.. truly indescribable feeling throughout my body. I knew this time that this was not natural.
The first time the man came to me he had me hold the hand of the girl next to me before he prayer, but then focused on the other person. But even just the prayer for her I felt this instant.. truly indescribable feeling throughout my body. I knew this time that this was not natural.
Now before I continue I would like to note that I believe the spirit that is within people is how the Holy spirit, and the gifts of god are revealed and pour out. So when this person is praying, it is not because this person is so gosh darn awesome, it's because they were called to do such a thing. anyways..
The prayer left for 5 minutes to continue praying for others, leaving me to dwell and considered the odd sensation I had felt. He returned for me. And I positioned myself so that when he would pray I could hold up my own weight and the prayer could not push me over, because at that point I still believed he was pushing people and that they weren't falling down.
But God is a sneaky sneaky guy. As the prayer put his hands around my head, not even touching my skin (keeping at least 6inches from me) I was overtaken with the most intense feeling and I fell to the ground. It was truly amazing, it was as if a fire in my from my head to my toes had been lit (but not like painful fire).
The prayer left for 5 minutes to continue praying for others, leaving me to dwell and considered the odd sensation I had felt. He returned for me. And I positioned myself so that when he would pray I could hold up my own weight and the prayer could not push me over, because at that point I still believed he was pushing people and that they weren't falling down.
But God is a sneaky sneaky guy. As the prayer put his hands around my head, not even touching my skin (keeping at least 6inches from me) I was overtaken with the most intense feeling and I fell to the ground. It was truly amazing, it was as if a fire in my from my head to my toes had been lit (but not like painful fire).
However, unlike anyone else who had this experience rather than feeling this overwhelming peace I felt terror. (though yes it was amazing). It is one thing to believe in a superior being, but it is an entirely different thing to be show first hand his power. When I had fallen to the ground I had tried to stand, but I literally couldn't. It was as if gravity had been increased by 10 (except breathing was fine). I couldn't move my arms or legs and I was in a full out sob. I like to keep it manly, but I couldn't keep it together.
Being skeptical going into the whole thing it is kind of a shocker to be shown how wrong you are in such a way. The best way I can describe the feeling is feeling true raw power being applied. It was like weight was on me, but I could breath, and as if the world around me melted away for those 5-20 minutes I was on the ground (I actually have no idea how long I was down). Nothing matter but the revelation that I had just been showed up. And yes again, it was terrifying, yet amazing. It's not something I fear of happening to me again, I welcome it. But I just wasn't expecting that to happen.
It was something God knew I needed and something I had been praying for, for a good long time. Why it happened then, and not sooner or later I can non answer. I don't know why I pray for things and they sometimes happen and sometimes don't. But what I can say is that the feeling I felt was very real and was an undeniable physical proof of the existence of my God and of Jesus. I can no longer reasonably doubt the existence of a creator, for no man possess the power to do such acts as well as no natural phenomena would occur in the exactly right moment as that. The only logical conclusion I can draw from the evidence given to me and of the situation experienced I is that there is a very real god, with very real and current power. A god that I hope to do big things for in my future. But for now, I will continue to learn and to prepare myself for my future for whatever it may hold, knowing that this creator has got my back.
I encourage you to ask me about it in person, but if not that's alright too. Most of you, readers, know me and should know this is not something I would lie about. What would I possibly gain from lying? I would love for everyone to be a Christian, but if I have to lie to get people to believe me then what's the point? Either way, believe me, or don't but I can tell you this has happened to me twice now, and to me it is undeniable that there is a creator.
I encourage you to ask me about it in person, but if not that's alright too. Most of you, readers, know me and should know this is not something I would lie about. What would I possibly gain from lying? I would love for everyone to be a Christian, but if I have to lie to get people to believe me then what's the point? Either way, believe me, or don't but I can tell you this has happened to me twice now, and to me it is undeniable that there is a creator.
Thank you for reading if you got this far, have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night.
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