Sneaky Ears

        Last night I went to a party. Now before your mind blows that statement out of proportion I will set you straight with the ruler that I hold in my left hand. Yes, I'm left handed so obviously from the devil. (Why would people think that, I don't know but it makes me more unique so points to them). So back to the point that I will eventually get to ones my attention span falls back into place. The party was not like the images of the word party that has crawled up your ear and died. No it was civilized, yet extremely fun. I enjoy remembering the fun that I had, unlike almost every other college student with a motive to get a brain of a walrus (you get 500 game score points for that achievement). At this party I played the Game of Thrones board game. The game is similar to risk in the fact that you are to conqueror areas, but it is more like risk on steroids. This is, if steroids are made to not only  make a game strong but to confuse the player the living heck out. In the limited capacity of mind space and attention span I managed to have caught the first few rules, but as they piled up on me like a group of Japanese sumo wrestlers I admit I was staring at the shiny reflection of my coke can. When asked the question "Do you understand" I just nodded my head and smiled, while the simple reality was I had no darn clue as to what in the heck I was doing.
       So not only was this game more complex than my average point a gun and shoot, or put the blocks on the places they fit but they had a terror aspect to it as well. At the start of every round a card would be drawn that could potentially strengthen this group of people that I had no clue about, but they came from the north (where I reigned) and would pillage everyone until you bled from your eyeballs like a deranged cat, or my childhood hamster (a horrifying moment). Yeah, serious stuff. So the happy little risk now turned into the happy little game of chance where you had the possibility to get destroyed by the most terrifying mammoth skull people known to man. Also, my character was Stark, not a rich playbook with a super-powerful suit of course. I was just the character that Boromir (Sean Bean) plays, nbd. To sum it up, my two allies started off next to each other while I started off in the north, which was separated by our enemies. Needless to say, I got taken out back and shot in the face with as many bullets fired in the American Revolutionary War. I didn't die though, I was like batman and had a bullet begone spray on my utility belt. And my game strategy turned from defense, to survival, to I'm not going to let the team betrayer win. And that is how I won the game without winning. I didn't the betrayer one, I took up a deal with my enemies and let them waltz right in and win, so that a traitor would not. I play the loyalty game. Yeah that's right.

*You see it's legit. It was giving me the eyeball.

      Various other things occurred in that night, all civilized of course. Until eventually the sun rose and we went outside to walk a dog. But back track two minutes before that we all tried to make slam dunks. I came to the realization that not only can I not jump, but jumping when your body is that tired makes you want to die. I considered just collapsing on the pavement, but then I was to lazy to do so. So back to the walk. Walking after not sleeping is a party in and of itself. I prefer to see it as, Extreme exercise because every step you take is like you are carrying ten pound weights with a walrus, sea-lion* and wallaby attached to your back running in the opposite direction. I'm pretty sure I sounded like a walrus too, as I attempted to scale the massive hill. A few neighbors had passed and gave us the judgmental look of, oh gosh not one of them... I assume they thought we were all drunk, but we weren't and had they actually used their brains the question would have spiked: would a group of hung over college students walk a dog at 6:10 in the morning when the sun is bright in the sky (Because apparently the sky gets bright at 5 now I was like what the poop)? Exactly it makes no sense, because we were just sleep deprived, which looks alike I know. And me being sleep deprived is like a dog ready to destroy the world in flames.*

*See This is me sleep deprived, it really is my dog. (Merc)

     So back to the hill climbing, or rather EXTREME EXERCISE. I must admit at certain points I may have saw myself as those who have climbed mount Everest, because minus the deathly cold, I just climbed a mountain in the 70 degree morning extremely humid weather. There was also a shiny balloon. It was pretty intense, just like camping. Ba da ch. Eventually we made it to a hill that was so steep I just went up it on all fours. The walrus attached to my back wanted to stop me, but I refused to listen. I felt kind of creepy going up a hill like that, but then again it was that or die. And I survived.
     On my way out (at 6:45ish?), my friend graciously dropped my off at a park, where in my infinite wisdom I carried a bag of sleeping with me. I didn't realize it would look so creepy. The people of the park all seemed to slowly move in a direction opposite to me. In fact one even left. I guess my bag of sleep confused them, resulting in a oh my gosh he's got a body in that bag! Good for you park people, right back at you! Then I sat on a bench for twenty minutes trying to wake up. Then I went home.
      So I got home at some point near 7:30ish. And I decided I wanted to sleep until roughly 12 maybe even 1. So I set my alarms to be ready to wake me them. So now here I sit with only being awake for 45 minutes. My sneaky ears disallowed me to here my alarms, the clever jerk. In fact my one alarm had gone off for no less than an hour straight and my lifeless body refused to get it. So all in all I blame my ears, and that walrus that wanted to take me down. I will kill you walrus, watch your back. But I do think it got revenge on me,  I woke up feeling like I got hit by a bus, but in reality it must have been a walrus. Because in that night of fun, I did do one thing I regretted. I stole the Walruses bucket.

I STOLE ITS BUCKET.

So I wrote all that with the full intention of it being the end of the story, but nooooo the story didn't end there. After waking for 30 minutes and after finally leaving the I can't believe it's forty thousand degrees club a knock at the door confused me, you see yesterday it had been a Police Officer because a car was parked on the street where it wasn't supposed to. Today it was my neighbors who wanted me to catch a snake in their yard, because well I like snakes and things of the sort. So I went outside and ended up grabbing it and catching it without getting bitten. But as those of you that catches snakes know, even if you aren't bitten you still can lose, and lose I did. I got musked on. The nastiest stuff you can imagine. So that was the ending to a day, well not quite. I'm posting now but I'm sure this world can deliver me a dead demented Walrus. But maybe I'm assuming to much? Well see.

And look at that not two minutes later something happened. You see I was watching a mindlessly stupid show, The Simpson because I thought that How I Met Your Mother would be on, but I was wrong, when the battery pack on the remote suddenly burst open. I picked it up in order to replace the batteries, when a liquid came running out all over my hand. Yep Battery Acid. It's gonna be like that today... Unless I'm hallucinating from the Walrus.... Oh wait it just gave me more, 5 minutes after the fact, two friends showed up and I was wearing shorts. CRAP.